Current:Home > reviewsWho should pay on the first date? Experts weigh in on the age-old question.-DB Wealth Institute B2 Reviews & Ratings
Who should pay on the first date? Experts weigh in on the age-old question.
lotradecoin review View Date:2024-12-25 15:41:51
It's Valentine's Day, and some couples might be going out together for the first time. The special occasion brings up an age-old question as the unwritten rules of dating change: Who should pay on the first date?
As it turns out, a majority of Americans still hold traditional views on that topic. Over 70% of Americans believe that in heterosexual relationships the man should pay on the first date, according to a recent survey form NerdWallet. Although 68% of women expect their male dates to pick up the tab, even more men — 78% — place that expectation on themselves, saying they should be responsible for the cost of the date, the survey found.
For those who eschew old-fashioned dating norms, there are other ways to determine who pays on the first date, according to personal finance pros and etiquette experts.
Invitations, bills and tips go hand in hand
One rule of thumb is that the person who invites someone on a date should pay the tab, including gratuity.
"The rule when it comes to dates in general — and especially the first date — is the person who extends the invitation also pays and tips. The bill and tip go hand in hand," said etiquette expert Diane Gottsman. "Once we know that rule, we can absolutely bend it."
For example, if you meet up in person for the first time with someone you saw on a dating app, but are less than impressed, offer to pay your part, Gottsman said.
"You can say to the server, 'I'll take my check.' You can take yours so you're not wasting that person's money," she said. "Be gracious. Say this is a dutch treat, that way they'll hear it, too."
Who earns more?
Another way to determine who the payer should be is based on which party earns more money. But salaries aren't typically disclosed on first dates, so it's more of a consideration for couples who have begun a relationship.
Fifty-seven percent of Americans say the person in the relationship who makes more money should foot the bill more often than the person who makes less.
But there are plenty of reasons to open up about money, even in a fledgling relationship.
"You don't want the person who has been footing the cost of all dates to be suffering in silence and break their budget because they want to impress other person," she said. "If you're trying to impress someone at the expense of your own financial security, you can't do that long term. Say, 'I like being with you, but I can't spend all this money going out to dinner.'"
When's the right time to talk about money?
There are subtle ways to bring up money in conversation on early dates, according to experts. And it's wise to do so, to set expectations early on.
"You can bring money up casually early on by talking about your job, what your upbringing was like, what you like to do for fun and your hobbies," Rathner said.
For example, if someone has costly hobbies like skiing or scuba diving, that could be a sign that they have disposable income to support those activities.
On the other hand, someone who says they currently hold two jobs and don't have much free time, could be signaling they're focused on earning rather than spending.
"Money is awkward for a lot of people and dating is awkward, so it's doubly awkward to have these conversations. There's no pressure to talk about it on the first date, but by the 20th, you want to talk about these things to know you're well-matched in terms of your values," Rathner said.
"Loud budgeting" makes transparency trendy
Money talk shouldn't be taboo in dating. In fact, it's something Americans can agree on. More than two-thirds of Americans agree that couples should talk about money matters within the first six months of dating, according to the NerdWallet survey.
And a new trend on TikTok, called "Loud Budgeting," is emboldening people to be upfront and transparent about their finances, and embrace frugality, especially when money is tight.
It's an approach Yuval Shuminer, CEO and founder of personal finance app Piere encourages.
"If it's not in reason for you financially to pay for a date, be honest about that," Shuminer told CBS MoneyWatch. "Share your financial positioning with your partner."
No matter what the reason, she encourages transparency around money matters for happy endings.
"If it's important to split it, because that's how you approach finance, or if you think splitting represents equality in a relationship, be vocal about that too," she said.
Dating coach Natalia Juarez also embraces this approach and encourages radical transparency in how you think about money.
"If you're the kind of person who wants to be in a relationship 50-50 financially, state that early on in the dating process," she said.
Or if you're loath to spend money on extravagant dates, but don't want it to be misconstrued as a lack of interest, be forthright.
"If there's a reason you're dating on a budget, use the date as an opportunity to share with your date why this is the case. Perhaps you're putting yourself through school, or you're saving up for something important — share this. It will help your date to understand why you're selecting your locations or experiences," Juarez said.
Megan CerulloMegan Cerullo is a New York-based reporter for CBS MoneyWatch covering small business, workplace, health care, consumer spending and personal finance topics. She regularly appears on CBS News Streaming to discuss her reporting.
veryGood! (88157)
Related
- US shoppers sharply boosted spending at retailers in July despite higher prices
- AP PHOTOS: 2023 was marked by coups and a Moroccan earthquake on the African continent
- Jim Leyland elected to baseball’s Hall of Fame, becomes 23rd manager in Cooperstown
- Israel expands Gaza ground offensive, says efforts in south will carry no less strength than in north
- Jackson City Councilwoman Angelique Lee resigns after federal bribery charge
- Friends Actress Marlo Thomas Shares Sweet Memory of Matthew Perry on Set
- NFL playoff picture: Packers leap into NFC field, Chiefs squander shot at lead for top seed
- 'Tis the season for holiday cards. Tips on writing a heartfelt note, what else to know
- What to stream: Post Malone goes country, Sydney Sweeney plays a nun and Madden 25 hits the field
- Alaska Airlines to buy Hawaiian Airlines in deal that may attract regulator scrutiny
Ranking
- How 'Millionaire' host Jimmy Kimmel helped Team Barinholtz win stunning top prize
- Deebo Samuel backs up trash talk with dominant outing in 49ers' romp against Eagles
- Opening arguments begin in Jonathan Majors trial
- Alabama family's 'wolf-hybrid' pet killed 3-month-old boy, authorities say
- Kim Kardashian Says Her Four Kids Try to Set Her Up With Specific Types of Men
- AP PHOTOS: 2023 was marked by coups and a Moroccan earthquake on the African continent
- Vanderpump Rules’ Ariana Madix Shares Guest Star Jesse Montana Has Been Diagnosed With Brain Tumor
- Run, run Rudolph: Video shows deer crashing through NJ elementary school as police follow
Recommendation
-
Giants trading Jordan Phillips to Cowboys in rare deal between NFC East rivals
-
OxyContin maker bankruptcy deal goes before the Supreme Court on Monday, with billions at stake
-
Alabama star lineman Tyler Booker sends David Pollack a message after SEC Championship
-
Israel expands Gaza ground offensive, says efforts in south will carry no less strength than in north
-
A fiery Texas politician launched a legal assault on Google and Meta. And he's winning.
-
Spotify to cut 17% of staff in the latest round of tech layoffs
-
Muppets from Sesame Workshop help explain opioid addiction to young children
-
More Than 100 Countries at COP28 Call For Fossil Fuel Phaseout